AmyOops: December 2009

Thursday, December 31, 2009

THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
by Barack Obama
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OTHER BLACK PEOPLE I'VE MET WHILE YACHTING
by Tiger Woods
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THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan
Illustrated by Michael Moore
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MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
_______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton
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THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
THE SEQUEL
by Bill Clinton
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THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
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THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
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THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry
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AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
___________________________________
A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J. Kevorkian
__________________________________
TO ALL THE MEN WE'VE LOVED BEFORE....
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel
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THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLER(S)
by O. J. Simpson
_________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
by Ted Kennedy
______________________
MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton
introduction by Rev. Jesse Jackson
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AND JUST ADDED:
***********************************************
COMPLETE KNOWLEDGE OF MILITARY STRATEGY!
by Nancy Pelosi
______________________________
MANOGOMY
THE SECRET TO A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE
by Tiger Woods

does your cat drink like this?

now turn

see more Lol Celebs

Barbie Dolls for the Central Florida market

This princess Barbie is sold only at The Mall of Millennia. She comes with an
assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey
and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face
lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

" Lake Mary Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan
and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation.
Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

" Sanford Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a
Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only
available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable
bills) ..unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

" Winter Park Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.
Included her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also
available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to
afford any of them.

" Deland Barbie"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud
light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass
when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag
bumper sticker absolutely free.

" Downtown Metro Barbie"
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit
and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available
as well as warehouse conversion condo.

" Apopka Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Deland
Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a
see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

" Mills Avenue Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her
Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two UCF Barbies
and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

" Orange Blossom Trail Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories
include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very
difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

" Mt. Dora Barbie"
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always
out a-'huntin'.

" Parliament House Barbie/Ken"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply
adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

The Dramatic Chipmunk

happy new year

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Senior health care solution, according to Maxine

Senior Health Care Solution

So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. Your are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of Course, this means you will be sent to prison.

There you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered.

And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?!