Friday, February 19, 2010


December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I
Took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge
Flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
Romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch
of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely
place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea
I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy
again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the
snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the
driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My
Neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow
On Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the
Of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's
possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to
-20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath
away, but
I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and
sidewalks. This is the life! The snow plow came back this afternoon
and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite
this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff
and puff so.

December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow
tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The
wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think
that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.

December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my rear-end on the ice in the driveway
putting down salt. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very

December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess
should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it
when she's
right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the stuff last
night. More shoveling! Took all day. The snowplow came by twice.
Tried to
find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing
hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around
to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another
shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or
the city
will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the
White crap fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till
Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the
winter, but he says he's too busy. I think he is lying.

December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me
To decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!!
didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she
did but I think she's lying.

December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought
I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the guy who drives that
snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his neck and beat him to
death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and
waits for
me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles
hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife
me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I
was too busy watching for the snowplow.

December 25
Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the slop tonight - Snowed in. The
Idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the
driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my
shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot.
If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to
Her into the microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's
really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14
Hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my

December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. My WIFE is driving me

December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snowplow driver, and now he is suing me
for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more

December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?

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