Sunday, July 4, 2010

July 4th

13 Reasons why we love fireworks
* Don’t get to say “ooh!” and “ahh!” enough in everyday life
* All the bright pops and jarring booms of war without the courage part
* Duh. They explode!
* We love America so much, we want to blow up a small portion of it
* They’re like little sky-orgasms
* Reinforces the illusion that we control fire
* Provides a chance to fart every ten seconds or so while surrounded by people
* Because the city won’t less us shoot our guns
* We love all things Roman – togas, candles, Polanski… don’t judge
* Pretty colors remind us life is beautiful. Ashes in open mouths remind us death is imminent
* Sparklers make jazz hands ever jazzier!
* Really? Ten fingers? Some of those have to be extraneous
* There’s nothing like plopping into a cupholder chair and demanding that people call you “captain.”

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