tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1237462302673556292.post9093509748147049988..comments2010-02-15T10:54:23.369-05:00AmyOopshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04081555088237471576noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1237462302673556292.post-47139911561291220922009-12-06T11:25:39.075-05:002009-12-06T11:25:39.075-05:00The Revenge of the Stepford Wives<br /><br />By Phil Linehan<br /><br />When Eliot Spitzer was forced on tv to own up to his disgrace<br />can anyone forget wife Silda’s stricken face?<br />John Edwards, when caught out in his affair<br />about ailing wife Elizabeth seemed not to care.<br /><br />We all know that Newt Gingrich’s marital story<br />is not one that covers him in glory.<br />Has it not always seemed quite absurd<br />that from their long-suffering spouses never heard is a word?<br /><br />Then, pining to be close to one he calls his soul mate,<br />Governor Mark Sanford moved the Appalachian mountains to the River Plate.<br />It never occurred to him wife Jenny would get up and go<br />forgetting, perhaps, that she is the one who has the dough.<br /> <br />When we hear about this and that humiliated wife<br />do we not all hope one day one of them will pull a knife?<br />But wait! They finally found their defender<br />and the result was a spectacular fender-bender.<br /><br />Does Tiger really think his irresistible charms<br />are what make women throw themselves into his arms?<br />Has he never wondered about his greatest attraction,<br />the one that gets him all the action?<br /><br />Even his most ardent admirers would have to admit<br />that he lacks the appeal of Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt. <br />It boggles the mind to imagine any woman becoming swooney<br />over a guy who is the very opposite of dishy George Clooney.<br /><br />Tiger will have to accept that his place among the much pursued heroes<br />is simply because his bank account is loaded with zeros.<br />When the next wife feels the urge to wallop her lying and cheating man<br />she should be sure to have at hand an old fashioned cast iron frying pan.Phil Linehanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05569913915534791722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1237462302673556292.post-47731774629884676252009-12-01T20:32:38.639-05:002009-12-01T20:32:38.639-05:00Hell Hath No Fury – Like A Viking Scorned<br /><br />Phil Linehan<br /><br />Was Tiger perhaps trying to take flight<br />when he jumped into his car in the middle of the night?<br />How else to explain his behaviour manic<br />as he stepped on the gas in a state of panic.<br /><br />Did he think he was hitting the tee<br />when he bashed his car into a tree?<br />Was he trying to practice a putting shot<br />when he walloped an immovable water spigot? <br /><br />We have to imagine he was hurrying to avoid being berated<br />by someone who was a little bit irritated<br />Had he perhaps done something he should not<br />and in his peccadillo had just been caught?<br />.<br />If he had bothered to study some Scandinavian history<br />Elin’s behaviour should have been no mystery<br />for Vikings tend to react quite strongly<br />when they think they have been treated wrongly.<br /><br />We have many examples of what happens when their ire<br />can lead to consequences best described as dire.<br />So he should be careful when next temped to push her over the edge<br />or she might come after him wielding his very best wedge.<br /><br />At least we know now what to give a bride<br />when about a gift for her shower we must decide.<br />If we cannot find a nice silver dish for butter<br />we can always present a weighted putter.Phil Linehanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05569913915534791722noreply@blogger.com