crazy things parents say

Me: I had a bad day today. I want ice cream and cookies.
Mom: All I can get you is vodka and Valium.
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Dad: You need to clean your room. It smells like a ghetto apartment.
Me: A couple days ago you said it smelled like a crack house!
Dad: I know. I was trying to be politically correct earlier.

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Me: Mum, please watch where you're going.
Mum: If the kids don’t like my driving, they should get off the sidewalk.
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Dad: Did you know the teabag was invented on accident?
Mum: So did so the guy just fall on another guy’s face?

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Me: Why did the remote control disappear this time?
Dad: Because you lied to Santa.

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Me: Can you buy me some Mardi Gras beads?
Mom: Can't I just take my top off and get them for free?
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Mom: If you’re being kidnapped, just poop your pants. They’ll leave you alone.

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Mom: Your sister was planned. You…I had too much alcohol at a christmas party and your dad took advantage of it.



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